Beech Bend is only a little more than an hour north of my house, yet I hadn't been there since it was revitalized as an amusement park. My mom and I (once again) packed up the car on a Saturday afternoon and made the quick jaunt to Bowling Green Kentucky so we could both see this park. We got the half day pass which was good for unlimited rides from 4:00pm to close (8:00pm today). When we arrived I saw a sign saying the Looping Star was closed, which meant a credit missed!! Being so close to home, I figured I'd be back at some point to pick that credit up later.

The first thing I did was the Rockin' Tug, which I'd never ridden before. It was such a fun little ride, and I can definitely see why so many parks have bought them up. They are fun, but not dizzying or nauseating.

After that, I had to try my hand at the ultra ghetto Hillbilly Shootin' Gallery, and managed to get three gags out of 12 shots.


Looks disturbing enough on the surface, but lets take a closer look...


Ahhh! A man on an out house toilet!!! My eyes!!!

Crazy stuff. The ferris wheel was loading, so I jumped on, but it was the ricketiest, scariest ferris wheel ever! It seemed to be straining under my weight, and I was the only person on it! I went around maybe twice before I flagged down the op and asked to get off.

I picked up my Dragon Coaster credit next, then we both rode the Starship 3000...

...where the ride op was eating a hamburger while loading people into the ride!

Next for me was the Octopus, which had a really great horror paint job.

What was even scarier was that it had a view of goats! Not petting zoo type display goats...but just goats that live on the land next to the park! Ghetto!! From there I rode the White Water express, which is like a log flume with two lifts and two drops. It was fun, and just my kind of log flume since I wasn't soaked when it was over!

We decided that it was time to grab a bite for dinner and check out the park food.


When I washed my hands, the dryer was so strong this is what it did to my hand!

The line for dinner was the longest we waited in all day (there hadn't even been a five minute wait to this point) and we waited probably 15-20 minutes for it. For $6.00, I got a cheeseburger about the size of one from McDonalds (and made with the same burgers they served in one of the meal plan cafeterias at MTSU...horrid!!!), a bottle of water and half an order of fries. When I was done, I told mom that we'd have to stop for a snack on the way home since that wasn't nearly a "dinner sized" meal.

We walked over to the other side of the park to check out the new Wild Mouse...

...and we found it surrounded with police line tape! How much more ghetto can you get, really?


Which is worse, the fact that the new sign is sitting in a field, or that it's sitting in a field in front of a trailer park?

I must say, despite the ghetto surroundings, this is probably the best Wild Mouse I've ridden. I'm generally not a fan of that genre of coasters since they tend to be painful. But this one was smooth as glass, spun just enough in all the right places, and was heavily braked so I didn't end up with a bruised ribcage. It was really really fun! A great redeeming point for this park! And I must give Kudos to Pat the Santa Clause looking ride op, because he saw a girl step over the police tape, and he wouldn't let her ride until she walked back out and came in the right way down the path.

We then stopped to play some skee ball and a "toss the ball in the goblet" game, and I won a medium sized Patrick Star. I gave my skeeball tickets to a girl who appeared to be there by herself with her dad since I didn't give two flips about the low end prizes. Minigolf, which is included in the price, was next, and by the time we were done with the course, mom and I were both swearing and cursing the course, proclaiming our hatrid for mini golf hahaha. Ok, the course really wasn't that bad, but minigolf is really frustrating when you suck at it!!! Minigolf has to be the most frustrating pastime in the world.

After that mom wanted to do the chairswings, so we headed that way...

...where we found a ride op apparently taking a nap in one of the chairs!

When I was done there, I went next door and did the happy fun slide of death a la Robb and Elissa hehe. Then I went one more time to ride the Wild Mouse while mom rode the Tilt-a-Whirl. I convinced mom to ride the Rockin' Tug with me, which she did, but she claimed it tipped her stomach, and she didn't like it. Whatever.


This attire was deemed perfectly acceptable by Beech Bend.

Next up was the Power Surge. I'd never ridden one and figured it looked like fun. It was ok...a little too high up for my comfort, and too disorienting. As we were walking out, the Flying Bobs was loading, so we got one last ride on that then headed for home. On the way home, we stopped at a Sonic for mozzarella sticks and a strawberry slush...nummy.

Overall the park isn't bad. The park has a great collection of flat rides, but oh...my...God...it is the most ghetto park I have ever seen in my life. Inattentive, preoccupied ride ops, rides plopped down on asphalt, and nasty, white trash, redneck looking people everywhere. At closing time, people had begun emptying the trash cans...but just left the bags to line the walkways! And the shirt and shoes required rule was absolutely not enforced outside the water park.

I'm not positive what impact a full sized woodie would have on this park...it'd be great to have, but I suspect people would leave thinking like I did..."They have a great woodie and a great wild mouse, but everything else is *so* ghetto!" I'm sure I'll be back since it's close to home, and the lines were completely non-existant, even on a Saturday on June. And for $10.50 I feel like I got more than my money's worth.

Return to being Fyabulous!